But we’re not.

Here in Connecticut, we had already celebrated Lincoln’s birthday the previous Monday. It was only a state holiday, of course, and so most people worked.

Why do people typically work on state holidays but not on federal holidays? Both types of holidays are mandatory only for government employees anyway.

The answer is banks. Banks usually observe federal holidays but not state holidays. When banks are closed, companies relying on cash business are likely to be closed. Their vendors and clients are then likely to be closed as well. And it snowballs.

But why do banks observe federal holidays but not state ones? It’s because the Federal Reserve Banks are closed. Federal holidays are Fed holidays and Fed holidays are bank holidays.

But wait! I thought the Fed was something complicated and distant. Perhaps a system of regional divisions providing local oversight, or a collection of economists poring over data to determine optimal interest rates, or a unified location for money exchange—all things that could be done without or through alternatives for a day.

It’s much simpler. The Fed is a government-controlled monopolistic central bank.

All banks do business with the Fed. They have no choice. If you wanted to lend and borrow money and take deposits from people, you would have to do business with the Fed as well. If you don’t, you will be punished. By the feds.

We don’t work on federal holidays because the central bank we are forced to use is closed and we are not allowed to create alternatives. If the Fed were a private company, even a private monopoly, anybody could create a competitor that stayed open year-round. But when it’s a government monopoly enforced by laws and guns, your hands are tied. It doesn’t sound like something George Washington would be particularly proud of, does it?

Washington was born Friday, Feb. 22, 1732. Yet we celebrate President’s Day on the third Monday of every February, which by definition can never fall later than Feb. 21. Yes, a federal law aiming to commemorate a birthday is guaranteed to never commemorate it on the right day. Yes, government is counterproductive.

Technically, Washington was born on Feb. 11. What happened? Pregnant women need not fear: it was not an 11-day delivery. In 1751, Britain passed a law to move to the Gregorian calendar, the one we use today, to fix a leap-year flaw that had resulted in about a 10-day difference. According to the new British law, the day after Wednesday, Sept. 2, 1752 would be Thursday, Sept. 14, 1752. And so it was.

It’s called the Gregorian calendar because it was adopted by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582. So why did it take 169 years for Britain and the American colonies to adopt it? You think time zones are difficult: before the British change, we were off by 11 days from all of continental Europe. Parisians celebrated the New Year 11 days before Londoners. (Actually, for government purposes it was even more than that: under the old calendar the year started March 15 for legal purposes, not Jan. 1.)

Yes, government is slow. And it’s not just the British. Connecticut took 149 years to ratify the Bill of Rights!

So why the long British delay? Because the Protestant Reformation had just begun in the 16th century and the Protestant state of Britain out of principle didn’t want to be seen agreeing with any papal decree. Do you think irrational stubbornness doesn’t exist in our current government?

And that’s the history of President’s Day—except for one small thing: It’s not actually called President’s Day. The holiday is and always has been legally known as Washington’s Birthday. It’s just not what we the people call it in our everyday lives. Yes, government, at its best, when it’s not punishing people, is irrelevant. If only the Fed were as irrelevant.

The last chapter on your February day off came six months before 9/11. A bill in the House would have required all federal entities and officials to refer to the holiday only as “Washington’s Birthday” and by no other name.